


Hey, Ryuuzaki!

by AWammysHouseDropout



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Amane Misa Needs a Hug, Angst, Character Death, Domestic Violence, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 02:06:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14684190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWammysHouseDropout/pseuds/AWammysHouseDropout
Summary: ...When you told me you could fall in love with me...did you really mean it?





	Hey, Ryuuzaki!

**Author's Note:**

> It has occurred to me that, despite my user name being "A Wammy's House Dropout", and despite Death Note being one of my top-five favorite anime/manga of all time, I have yet to post some actual Death Note fanfic on here. It's a series I kinda have difficulty writing for, but here's my crack at it!
> 
> Do note: I love Misa. Like, I really love Misa. Fight me.

Hey, Ryuuzaki!

I brought you coffee. It's got lots of milk and sugar, the way you like it. It's cold outside, so you could probably use it right now!

I'm sorry I wasn't able to come earlier- Light said it was too dangerous for me to be around when they buried you, so I couldn't be at your funeral. I _wanted_ to come, I promise.

...You know, it's your own fault you're dead, Ryuuzaki.

(It didn't have to be this way. You didn't have to die. Light didn't want to kill you.)

Light wanted you on his side, you know. He knows you were a good person- at least, somewhere deep down. He knows how badly you wanted justice in the world. But you were so stupid you didn't realize that you and Light want the exact same thing!

All Light wants is a good world, full of good people. Why couldn't you see that, Ryuuzaki?! That's what you wanted too, right?!

What's so wrong about what Light's doing, anyway?! Could you honestly say you wouldn't do the exact same thing, if you had that kind of power?!

...I bet you'd say you wouldn't. Because you're a liar, Ryuuzaki. Do you even _know_ how to tell the truth?

-I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki. That's probably rude of me to say. After all, you can't really help the way you are, can you? Besides, it isn't like you're all bad...or, not like you _were_ all bad.

(When I said you were cute, I meant that. You knew that, right? And you really were fun to be around. I really did mean it when I said you were one of my friends.)

...I wish it could've been different.

But I'm just babbling, now. I'm probably just bothering you. I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki.

I'll come back to visit soon, okay?

* * *

 

Hey, Ryuuzaki!

Do you like this new dress I bought? I just know Light will love it!

Although, it might be awhile before he can see it...he's been so busy lately. He's got to keep up appearances; at least until things settle down, and he can tell everyone he's Kira.

I can't wait until that happens. Light will finally be happy then. Then, he'll finally have the good world he wants so badly.

(the world _you_ wanted so badly, right Ryuuzaki?)

Hey-did you know I got a part in a movie, Ryuuzaki? Light said he's proud of me! I'm not the lead, but it's finally the start I've been hoping for!

(I wish you could be here to see it.)

What would you say, if you could talk to me? Would you say you're proud of me, too? Or would you just tell me not to overact, like you did that one time? And if you did, would you be joking?

It was always so hard to tell with you, Ryuuzaki.

* * *

 

Happy birthday, Ryuuzaki!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've come to visit- acting is harder than I thought it would be! But I'm here in time for your birthday, so you can't be too angry, okay?

Here- I brought angel cake- that's your favorite, right? I had it made with extra strawberries, just how you like it!

(I kinda already had a piece before I brought it over. Don't be mad at me- I just wanted to make sure it's good. That's all.)

Light hasn't said much today. I think he's remembering you, and it's making him upset. I left because he doesn't like having me around when he's in a bad mood.

(He just loves me so much that he only wants to be around me at his absolute best.)

Light knows how he gets when he's upset- he's super smart, after all. He doesn't like that he yells at me and throws stuff when he loses his temper, so it's better that I leave when he starts to get angry. He doesn't want me to have to deal with that (Light always thinks about what's best for me).

You're the reason he's so upset, Ryuuzaki. He's still sad that you had to die (not that I blame him. I'm still sad too).

...Damn it, Ryuuzaki! Why couldn't you just understand?! Why did you have to be so stubborn?! Light misses you so badly! Do you even care about how you hurt him?!

-Sorry. I shouldn't get mad at you on your birthday.

Hey, how old would you have been anyway, Ryuuzaki? I don't think you ever told(not that I ever asked). Besides, you always looked so young, it's hard to tell.

I hope you're having a good birthday, Ryuuzaki. Wherever you are.

* * *

 

Hey, Ryuuzaki! I have wonderful news!

Here, I brought candy for you! I'll sit down and eat some with you, okay?

Oh, Light is gonna be so happy when I tell him- I can't wait!

...Ryuuzaki, I'm gonna have a baby!

Isn't it amazing, Ryuuzaki? I've always wanted a baby, and I always wanted a baby with Light. I'm so happy, I haven't stopped crying since I found out!

I've already got some names picked out, even! If it's a little girl, I'm gonna name her Kamiko- it's a fitting name, don't you think? And if it's a boy-

Well, if it's a boy, I think I wanna name him Ryuuzaki. Would you be okay with that?

(I mean, it's not like Ryuuzaki was your real name, right? I really don't think you can complain.)

I've never been so happy in my life, Ryuuzaki! I'll let you know how everything goes once I tell Light, okay?

* * *

 

...Hey, Ryuuzaki.

I know it's been awhile again. Things got a bit busy- I'm sorry.

(Oh, you silly boy- your headstone is filthy! Don't you ever take care of yourself?)

Light...didn't take the news as well as I thought he would. He told me...he told me that we can't have a baby right now. It isn't the right time- he doesn't want our child born into a world that's still so rotten.

So...I took care of it.

Light was with me, though, so it wasn't so bad. It didn't even hurt too much- I can hardly feel it now.

Sorry, Ryuuzaki. I'm crying again, aren't I? It's just hormones, so don't worry about me- I'll be fine in a few days.

...Hey, Ryuuzaki, can I ask you a weird question?

(Even if you don't, I'm gonna do it anyway.)

Let's just say (not that it'd ever happen, but let's pretend) that you and I were together. And I was pregnant with _your_ baby. Would you have let me keep it?

I know it's a funny question. But I wish I knew what you would've done. I know you told Light and I that you liked kids. But I know it would probably get in the way of your work (you were a busy guy, after all). But- would you let me keep it anyway?

(...Sorry, Ryuuzaki. It's a dumb question.)

I know my body doesn't hurt much anymore, but...my heart hurts. Ryuuzaki, my heart hurts so badly.

* * *

 

Hey, Ryuuzaki.

You never told Light and me you had students. It's pretty rude to never mention something so important to your friends, you know!

That Near kid keeps pestering Light- it's really annoying to him. And that damn Mello-

Did you know he just kidnapped poor Sayu?!

Sayu has to be terrified right now, all alone with a stranger! Who knows what Mello's gonna do if Light and the others don't cooperate with him?! You had to have raised him better than that.

Anyway, thanks to that Mello brat, Light's dad has to go all the way to Los Angeles to get her back. And Mello's asking for the Notebook in exchange. We don't know what we're gonna do.

How could you have raised such an inconsiderate boy?!

Hopefully poor Light and Soichiro can get her back. And hopefully that awful boy of yours doesn't hurt her!

* * *

 

Hey, Ryuuzaki!

Good news- Sayu is back at home safe and sound. She's pretty shaken up, and she hasn't said much since she got back, but she's alright. From what she _did_ say, Mello actually treated her very well- I mean, as far as kidnappers go, anyway. So, I suppose all in all, it could have been lots worse. But I bet you'd have a few stern words for that student of yours, huh?

It's too bad that we ended up having to give up the notebook after all, though. Light really hoped it didn't have to come to that, but Mello really _is_ smart. No wonder he was one of your successors; he pulled one over on us, and even that Near guy.

I'm sorry I can't stay longer today, Ryuuzaki. It's been a long few days, and I'm really tired. Light's tired too- I should be at home with him. I'll be back soon though, I promise!

* * *

 

...Hey, Ryuuzaki. Something really bad just happened.

Light tried to get the Notebook back from Mello, but I guess things didn't really go as planned. Light's dad didn't make it. I don't know if Mello is still alive, I'm sorry. I know you must be worried about him.

Light hasn't been in his right mind since Soichiro died. He's so angry about what happened.

Please don't be mad at him, but...Light hit me yesterday.

...I know he only did it because he was upset! It isn't his fault, so please don't be angry! I've already forgiven him. Besides, it's not like he hit me in the face or anything. And he didn't leave any marks or bruises, so it isn't that bad...

...right?

I'm sure he'll come back to himself eventually. Light loves me so much- he's already apologized for what he did.

He only wants what's best...I know that.

Light loves me...

* * *

 

Hey, Ryuuzaki.

Something really weird's been happening lately.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it (though I'm sure _you_ would be able too, Ryuuzaki. You know everything), but I think something's wrong with my memory.

Sometimes, I think about stuff that's happened- or, try to, anyway- and it feels like I'm not remembering things right.

Like- remember when you'd kidnapped me, thinking I was Kira? I remember that I was begging someone to kill me. But, the funny thing is, I can't remember _who._

I know I called someone's name. And I know it was someone important to me. But for the life of me, I can't remember who they were.

It's odd, isn't it? I know this person (whoever they were) was really important to me- and I think I was important to _them_ too. But if that was true, how come I can't remember who they were? I can't even remember their face. Hell, I can't even remember if it was a boy or a girl.

And that's not the only thing, Ryuuzaki.

This happened not too long ago. Light sent me an email, telling me to open some file on the computer. I remember it told me to mail off something to someone.

But I don't remember what I mailed. Or who I mailed it to. Or why Light wanted me to mail it.

Isn't it strange, Ryuuzaki? I must be going insane.

What should I do, Ryuuzaki? Light doesn't seem worried about it- but I know something is wrong.

...I kinda wish you could answer me.

* * *

 

Oh, Ryuuzaki- I'm so mad right now!

That snotty bitch Takada thinks she can try to take Light away from me! You should've heard some of the things she said to me tonight! She's so rude I can't even believe it!

Oh, I'd tell Kira to kill her in a heartbeat!

-Just kidding! I know Light's gonna catch Kira soon, so he won't be able to do that anyway. Besides, Takada will probably be arrested for helping Kira when everything is over with. So I'm not too worried about her. She just pissed me off so badly I could scream! As if Light would ever be with anyone but _me,_ anyway!

(Well...except maybe _you,_ Ryuuzaki. I think Light liked you almost as much as he likes me.)

* * *

 

Hey...Ryuuzaki?

...When you said that you could fall in love with me...did you mean it?

I know it's a silly question, but I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

-Not that I don't still love Light!

I love him with all my heart. But sometimes, Ryuuzaki...

Sometimes I think he doesn't love me back. Not really, anyway.

I mean- if he does- why does he always act like I'm a burden? Why does he disappear for days at a time, and not even call me or tell me where he's going? Isn't that what people do when they love each other?

He treats me like a burden, no matter what I do to try and help him. And he _says_ he only visits Takada because she's Kira's spokesman, but Ryuuzaki, I _know_ that's not all that's going on!

Oh Ryuuzaki, I don't know what I'm gonna do. How am I supposed to go on when the person I love the most doesn't love me back?

* * *

...Ryuuzaki-

Light is dead.

...You were right. You were right all along.

Light was Kira.

He played everyone. Matsuda, Aizawa, Mogi- even his own mother and father. (Even me.) He had everyone fooled.

But not you, right, Ryuuzaki?

Light never had you fooled, did he? You were way too smart for that. Not like me.

I'm sorry any of us ever doubted you. It must've been frustrating.

Light was Kira. And he never loved me. I know that now.

He played me for a fool. And I was so desperate for someone to hold that I believed it. You must think I'm so pathetic.

Near does. He told me straight to my face. "You're just a silly woman who clung to a murderer because you're too weak to stand on your own." That's what he said to me. That's _all_ he ever said to me.

It was kinda funny that he said it while he was sitting down (or, it _would_ be funny if it wasn't true).

I don't know where to go from here, Ryuuzaki. I'm alone. I'm alone and I'm more sad than I've ever been. Even my parents dying didn't hurt this badly.

Ryuuzaki, I wish you were here. I need someone to hold me.

* * *

...Hey, L.

Do you like this dress? I had it made especially for today. It's beautiful, isn't it? I really wanted you to see it before-

Well.

Hey...

...I'm really sorry, L.

I'm sorry Light and I caused you so much trouble. I'm sorry nobody believed you about him. I'm sorry that I clung to him, even though he was bad (deep down, I think I knew he was bad...)

L- I'm so, so sorry that Light killed you.

You didn't deserve to die. Even if you were strange, and sometimes annoying and never made any sense, and even if you were a bit of a creep and a pervert, and if you sat weird and were an asshole sometimes.

Because that's not all you were. I know that now.

You were brave- braver than Light ever was. And you were strong- stronger than I could ever be.

I'm so _weak._

L-

I can't do this anymore.

I can't bear the weight of this sadness in my heart. I can't take this pain anymore. L, it hurts so badly I can't stand it.

(Surely you must understand how I feel- I always wondered if the reason you slouched so much was because you always had the weight of the world on your shoulders.)

I know you'd try to talk me out of it. Maybe you'd have me tied up again, so I couldn't do anything stupid. But you can't do that now, can you? You can't help anyone anymore (that must drive you crazy). 

Someone like me doesn't deserve that kind of help, anyway.

...Wait for me, L. I'll be there soon.


End file.
